before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
