Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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