i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
