that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
