So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
