In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
