i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
