Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
