Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
