Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
