college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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