chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His nipple licking is glorious
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