he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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