Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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