sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
