The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
