last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
