They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
