that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
