my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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