look no pants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize