Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
