Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
