When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
