At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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