so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
