Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
