i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize