genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
