If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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