oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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