Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
