Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
