I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
