If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
