Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A+ Viking dick
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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