is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
