I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you traded sex for a burrito?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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