Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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