yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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