There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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