I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
