I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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