Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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