a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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