Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
