Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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