I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
