Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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