ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
