i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
