Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
