Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
