I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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