Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
