and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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