That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
