I just pynch a tree in the face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
