If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You left your underwear on the fireplace
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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