Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
