She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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