Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
