bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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