I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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