my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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