Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I looked at my own cervix.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
