# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
