I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
