I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
