What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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