Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
