I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
