So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
