In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
