guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
