you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
