Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
