Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
