Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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