I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
