I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
