I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
