these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
