captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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