so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
