girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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