tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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