Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
