I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
