Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
