3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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