o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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