conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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