I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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