We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
