Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
