plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
