I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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