I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
