is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
