I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
