last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize