She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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