i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize