just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
